A Very Digi Parody
by Aklee
Summary: To be predictable or not to be?
1. Taiora or Sorato?

"There's something up between Taichi and Sora," Mimi commented.

"There's always something up between Taichi and Sora," Yamato replied without bothering to look at her. He was getting really tired of people coming up to him and informing him of the budding romance between his two best friends. Like, seriously. He had moved on and so should everyone else. He hated it when people continued to pair him with Sora since it was so obvious that Taichi was far better for her. Besides, the very point of his character development in the first season was so that he could learn to be happy for them and not interfere in their relationship later on.

But when Yamato spotted the two of them making their way over to their table, he was overcome by a surge of jealousy. Taichi had his arm around Sora's waist and she was laughing and blushing at what he was saying. Yamato thought that he had resolved all his insecurities with regard to his best friend. But they always seemed to crop up at the most inopportune moment. And he was definitely getting all angsty and jealous now.

Mimi pouted. Yamato never understood the subtle hints that she kept dropping. _He wasn't even looking at her despite all her eyelash fluttering!_

Yamato brooded. He really wanted Sora... but he also really wanted Taichi too. He was so confused. And that just made him brood even more. He could usually deal with it by writing angsty songs and cheating on people - the most plausible go-to response of those defined by friendship and loyalty when confused about their sexuality and which of their best friends to bone. But lately, he was feeling the urge to turn into a raging alcoholic and a chain smoker too. Everyone knew that Yamato Ishida couldn't be trusted to look after himself.

Sora thought that she had decided once and for all whom she was going to give her precious Christmas cookies to. Taichi was the one. They had played football together from the ages of seven to twelve for heaven's sake! What other basis for a relationship could anyone possibly want? But when she saw Yamato, sitting casually with his top buttons undone and brooding away deliciously, she felt herself being thrown into emotional turmoil yet again.

"I can't do this anymore!" she cried as she approached the table and untangled herself from Taichi's embrace. "I have so much in common with Taichi... but... but... Yamato, you're so damn fine!"

Yamato nodded. It was true. He was.

"Why don't we put it to a vote?" Sora said diplomatically before the two of them could argue.

Right on cue, the rest of the gang arrived.

Takari was first. Yes, _Takari_. At one point in time, Takeru Takaishi and Hikari Yagami had been two separate people. But the obscene amount of time they spent with each other had accelerated the process in which they had merged into one monolithic blob identity that no-one seemed to find strange at all considering this was Digimon. Taichi had actually been secretly pleased regarding this unusual turn of events. He didn't have to worry about Takeru making a move on his sister any more since the younger blond essentially _was_ his sister now.

"I vote for me," Taichi said immediately. He had to be the first to answer since he was the leader after all.

"I also vote for Taichi," added the brooder. He could never bring himself to voice what he was really thinking because he was so bloody conflicted and moody.

Takari spoke up. "What he means is that he's lonely and desperate for love." It was incredibly useful that Takari was always on hand to explain the inner secrets held by his brother's heart.

"I'll put that down as one vote each then," Koushiro commented. He took out a pad of paper and started tallying up the votes. Every now and then, he took a moment out of his urgent, world-saving computer programming to pay attention to what his friends were saying and actually be involved in the plot.

"I think I should get Yamato," Mimi piped up.

Miyako inhaled the wonderful pink, perfumed aroma that surrounded her pretty, pink princess.

"Hmm... but that wasn't ever an option," Sora responded.

Mimi was heartbroken. Ever since their adventure in the Digital World, she had done her best to stand next to Yamato as much as possible. It didn't seem like a lot because Taichi was always getting in the way and holding his hand or whatever, but those precious few seconds when she and Yamato were _almost_ facing one another had always made her pure, little heart skip a beat in delight. Not to mention that their passion for music and their implied obsession with hair products was just as solid a foundation for love as football was for Taichi and Sora!

Miyako gazed at Mimi longingly_. How could she be so devastatingly beautiful even when she was distraught?_ _When was she going to see her as a woman rather than just an annoying little sister? Why did fan fiction and fanart always have to focus on yaoi instead of yuri?_

Yamato supposed he could sleep with Mimi too. _That was what she wanted, right?_ He'd have to start making a list to make sure he got round to everyone.

Takari was the most conflicted. On the one hand, Takari wanted to see Nii-san happy while not upsetting Nii-san. Takari also really wanted Sora to be her sister-in law, but then again, Takari really wanted Sora to be _his _sister-in-law too.

"I think I'll have to vote for Taichi," Koushiro added because he was better friends with the brunet.

"We found our crests together," Yamato reminded him.

Koushiro changed his mind immediately. Tiny - mostly irrelevant - details like this were known to make or break the plausibility of headcanons.

Taichi scowled at him.

"We've known each other the longest," he pleaded to Sora.

"Love is friendship set on fire," Yamato argued.

"It takes courage to love," Taichi counteracted. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that his bravery started and ended with Sora. Always. Without except. At every plot point.

"I'm really nice to look at," Yamato added because this was something that was never said enough.

"You are!" a fangirl - created for the sole purpose of emphasising how popular this fourteen year old mother fucker really was – cried from behind them. She stood up on the table and waved her pompoms around.

"He is!" yelled another rabid fangirl with a similar point of existence.

"I AGREE!" Jun screamed as she tore off her clothes and streaked through the school grounds.

Daisuke groaned because his sister was fucking embarrassing.

"_Be supportive_," Yamato warned the younger gogglehead as a very naked Jun Motomiya started climbing on the school statue in the background.

"Let's get back to more pressing matters," Sora nagged.

"But I live so close by," Taichi insisted as if there hadn't been any interruptions. It was true. He did.

"I'm broody and misunderstood."

"I complete the childhood best friend cliché."

"I pulled her out of her dark place."

"She was only there in the first place because she feels the need to please me so much!"

"Exactly!"

Taichi scowled. "I told her that I wouldn't let anything happen to her."

"I had loads of off-screen interaction with her that you only wish you knew about."

"She talked to me first!"

"We can relate to each other's family problems!"

"I wrote her a poetic email with metaphors. There was a freaking tsunami happening and she was still reading it!"

"You managed to upset her with a hair clip."

"And fixed it in spectacular fashion!"

"I wrote her a song!"

"Yes. Turn around! Turn around! Vey romantic. Turn around and fuck off, why don't you?"

"I'm in a band," Yamato huffed.

Taichi fell silent for a few seconds. _Seriously, how could he compete with Yamato being in a band? Especially considering how shallow Sora had become over the past few years._ "You better treat her right. Otherwise I'll have to punch you," he threatened.

Yamato sighed. He really needed this well-articulated lecture from his best friend. The truth was the he'd only been courting Sora because he needed to prove that he was better than Taichi. And he had plans to make her cry afterwards. Thank goodness for their leader's words of wisdom that had made him see the error of his ways.

"If I do win... I mean, if I get her... I mean, if she chooses me, I'll be nice. Thanks, Taichi. You're a good friend."

Taichi nodded. "Had our roles been reversed, you would've knocked some sense into me too, Yamato."

Emotion threatened to overwhelm Yamato at Taichi's words. Infact, he was feeling so many feelings that he didn't know what to do with them all. And he _hated it_ when people saw him cry. "Excuse me. I need to go find an obscure corner to feel awkward in more comfortably."

The others nodded. This happened from time to time. But they all knew that Yamato Ishida would be back. He never let them down.

Mimi wailed because she wasn't getting nearly enough attention. But the sound was so high-pitched that no-one actually heard her. It did result in Jyou having a nose bleed though.

Seeing Mimi's silent distress, Jyou covered his nose with a tissue and looked over at her sympathetically. "Mimi, Koushiro and I are still available," he said, because what are unique and non-predictable ships?

"You're so insensitive, Jyou! I don't want to be with you or Koushiro!"

Jyou winced at her tone.

Mimi scowled.

Jyou flailed.

Mimi glared at him.

Jyou squirmed.

Mimi continued to glare.

Jyou hyperventilated.

Mimi raised a single perfectly plucked, condescending eyebrow.

Jyou exploded.

Luckily, he had become a minor character by then and no-one was paying much attention.

Mimi decided she hadn't created enough of a scene so she proceeded to burst into tears. Tiny drops of the pink milkshake she had been drinking spurted from her mouth as she sobbed. When she still wasn't getting the attention she wanted, she picked up her designer handbag and ran out of the canteen, took a taxi to the airport, hoped on a plane and flew to America.

Back at school, Miyako quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching. Then, she lowered her head and licked the drops of liquid that had fallen on the table.

Ken – who no longer had a personality after he decided to stop being the Kaiser – continued to sit quietly by himself and have kind thoughts. He was a little startled by the looks Miyako suddenly started giving him though.

Miyako was beginning to come to the painful realisation that Mimi was never going to see her in anything more than a platonic way. In choosing a new mate for herself, her eyes settled on Ken. She supposed that he'd do. _Anyone was better than Daisuke_.

Yamato decided to return at this stage because he figured that he had been gone long enough to make a point. Taichi and Sora welcomed him back enthusiastically. Jyou was still a puddle on the floor. Koushiro had gone back to his love affair with his laptop.

Little known to the older Digidestined, another equally annoying but less complex rivalry was brewing. Daisuke Motomiya pined after Hikari. He wanted to merge with her just as Takeru had – without Takeru being involved of course. Sure, Takeru had known Hikari longer. Sure, Hikari and Takeru both had older brothers while he only had an insane sister. Sure, Angewomon and Angemon made subtle sexual references about one another. Sure, he was only a dim-witted airhead without any real character traits except being stubborn and obscenely enthusiastic at the weirdest shit. _But none of that meant he couldn't have Hikari all to himself!_

Dausike's unrequited feelings, however, were ignored by all. Oddly, even Taichi didn't seem to care despite his ordinarily pathological over-protectiveness regarding his sister.

Sora sighed. _Why was deciding who to love always to difficult_? "OT3?" she said finally.

"OT3," the boys agreed.

After seeing the resolution of the older kids' shipping problems, Daisuke turned to Takari eagerly. "OT3?" he asked excitedly.

Takari just snickered.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

There is most likely going to be more of this. And it will probably be horrendous... I apologise in advance.


	2. Babies

**Author's Note:** I think this is the stupidest thing I have ever written.

For Kim and employment and fake birthday.

* * *

Nii-san was over the moon. He held the little boy in his arms and kissed the top of his head. They were exactly alike, this little bundle of joy and him. The baby already had brushy brunet hair and the same chocolate coloured eyes. And he was loud. Extremely loud and rowdy infact, exactly the way Taichi had been as a child.

Nii-san was also over the moon. He grinned down at the blond baby in the cot and stroked his soft cheek. He had the exact same colouring, the same features and even the same smile as his father. If Yamato was to compare a picture of himself at that age and his baby now, not even his own mother would be able to tell them apart.

Even though the three of them loved each other equally and repeatedly promised that it wouldn't matter what happened, there was always an element of tension when Sora had gotten pregnant. They tried to ignore it of course. They pretended that it didn't matter who the baby's biological father was since they were going to raise it together. Taichi and Yamato both simultaneously wanted to and didn't want to be the other parent. Each was scared of how that would change the dynamic between them and how it would affect the other.

Sora had her own reservations. She loved her boys equally and getting pregnant had never been part of the plan. They were supposed to adopt kids to prevent a possible disaster like this from happening. No one knew whose fault it was and there was no way of finding out. But when she realised she was going to have a baby, all they could do was wait and pray that they would pull through as a family.

What happened was nothing short of a miracle. Sora had twins – one healthy baby boy who was exactly like Taichi and another equally healthy boy who was the spitting imagine of Yamato. Even Jyou with all his research was completely perplexed at what had happened. Yamato, Taichi and Sora couldn't care less though. They were back on the same footing and no-one had to worry about being made to feel excluded or unwanted.

"Paternity test!" Jyou declared as he marched into the hospital room with his army of interns.

Taichi snorted. "We hardly need a paternity test, Jyou."

"Yeah," Yamato added. He brought little Yama Junior over to where his brother was and settled the two beautiful boys down together.

"That's exactly why my interns are going to conduct tests," Jyou smiled. "They need the practice and, well, there's no possibility of going wrong here."

A week later, Jyou wasn't laughing any more. He stood awkwardly in their living room, a sealed envelope in hand.

"What's the matter, Doc?" Taichi joked. He was feeding Yama Junior with a bottle. They hadn't decided on names yet, mostly because Sora wouldn't agree to name the boys Junior and Junior. And neither he nor Yamato were willing to consider anything else.

"Aren't they our kids?" Yamato laughed.

"Well, yes and no," came Jyou's grim response.

Taichi rolled his eyes. "Jyou, seriously. This is the stupidest joke anyone has ever tried to pull."

Jyou huffed a little. "I'm not joking, Taichi. The thing is... according to the results, Yamato Junior is actually related to you and Taichi Junior to Yamato."

"There must have been a mistake," Sora said.

Yamato looked over at her. _Why did she seem so worried all of a sudden?_

"There wasn't," Jyou insisted, although both Yamato and Taichi noticed he kept his gaze away from Sora. "They all showed the same results. Even the ones done by me."

"So? They had an unusual birth," Taichi shrugged.

"Yeah, about that..." Jyou rubbed the back of his neck.

"Jyou..." Sora had turned white as a sheet and she pleaded to Jyou with her eyes.

"Hey, Doc, Sora, Nii-sans," Takari smiled happily as s/he entered the room.

All three men in the room looked at Takari then back at Sora, then back at Takari and to Sora again.

"How many times?" Taito asked murderously.

"Once," Sora whispered.

Little did they know that Sora had been sleeping with Takari ever since Hikari Yagami and Takeru Takaishi had merged together and gotten over their individual (and combined) Mommy-complexes.

* * *

**Author's Note:** And now I am _sure_ that this is the stupidest thing I have ever written xD

Coming up... parodies of various scenes from the show.


	3. Things They Would Never Say

**Author's Note: **So I guess parodies of different scenes are happening after this then.

* * *

Things They Would Never Say

**Mimi:** I'm feeling fresh and energetic and ready to run ten miles today!

**Jyou:** Everyone should eat their eggs however they want.

**Takeru:** *cries*  
**Yamato:** Oh, shut the fuck up Takeru.

**Sora:** Whatever

**Jyou:** I'm sexy and I know it.

**Sora:** You've always been kind of a jackass, Taichi.

**Yamato:** I'm gay.

**Taichi (to Agumon):** Charmander?

**Jyou:** I'm totally okay with you guys taking a peek at my privates.

**Yamato:** Sora's cookies were kind of terrible.

**Hikari:** YOU SELFISH CONCEITED ASSHOLE! YOU ALMOST GOT ME KILLED BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO PLAY SOCCER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! WHAT KIND OF BIG BROTHER ARE YOU?!

**Mimi:** Is it okay for me to go back to being shallow sometimes?

**Koushiro:** Do you think that we can find some weed around here?

**Jyou:** Takeru's Mom is a total babe.

**Taichi:** Sora, you leaving soccer for tennis was an amazing idea.

**Daisuke:** That's sweet, Taichi. But I'll just buy a new pair of goggles.

**Sora:** I so need to buy a push up bra.

**Lilymon:** It's not fair that the rest of us never get to digivolve to Mega.

**Taichi:** Agumon, digivolve!  
**Agumon:** You fucking digivolve, you useless human being.

**Yamato:** Sora, let's just stay friends. And have I already mentioned that I'm gay?

**Jyou:** *putting his arms around Mimi and Sora* How about I get both the girls tonight?

**WarGreymon:** Meh. I think you guys can fend for yourself this time.

**Taichi:** Wait! Let me think this through first.

**Jyou:** My crest is kind of lame.

**Koushiro:** My laptop is fully charged and the wifi here is great!

**Mimi:** Boys, please continue to watch me whenever I bathe.

**Taichi:** I think you guys should find your crests first.

**Sora:** I already figured out that my Mom loved me. I was just being a drama queen because everyone else had a sob story and I didn't.

**Yamato:** I really need to get over my parents' divorce.

**Jyou:** The party don't start till I arrive, bitches!

**Takeru:** I'm the one with the fake blond hair. I have no idea why no-one asks me though.

**Iori:** I'm so boring.

**Koushiro:** I'll find a solution to this problem by listening to Mimi.

**Sora:** I get a little more turned on every time I see Yamato and Taichi rolling around on the floor together.

**Takeru:** I'm a troll.

**Taichi:** I don't understand how my hair continues to defy gravity like this.

**Iori:** I'm only seven but I'm the most sensible of the lot of you.

**Hikari and Takeru:** We're complete assholes to Daisuke.

**Koushiro:** Gennai's stupid emails are so unhelpful.

**Sora:** You're fast losing out on your chance with me, Taichi Yagami. **  
Taichi:** Meh. I have plans to give you away to Yamato anyway.

**Mimi:** Why is Sora always thought to be the main female lead? I'm the pretty one.

**Yamato:** Yes, I dye my hair.

**Mimi:** Where's my mysterious little brother?

**Angewomon:** I think it's totally obvious to all that Angemon and I are dating.

**Yamato:** I'm gay. Or... wait? Am I bi?

**Jyou:** Studying is for dumb people.

**Ken:** I still think I was pretty badass when I was the Kaisar.

**Iori:** My Grandfather is kind of a dick who gives really bad advice.

**Yamato:** I sound like a 40 year old man.

**Jun:** I think I'll forget about boys and actually make something of my life.

**Daisuke:** Taichi's goggles smell weird. Has he like never washed them?

**Takeru:** How does it make any sense for Daisuke to be the new leader?

**Hikari:** I'm leading both Daisuke and Takeru on.

**Sora:** You're drunk.  
**Jyou:** Drunk on your love, baby.

**Taichi:** I wish Hikari had died that day in the park.


	4. Episode 46 - Etemon's Comeback Tour

**Episode 46 - Etemon's Comeback Tour**

"Jyou," Mimi said quietly as she stared at the ground. "Do you think that it was selfish of me to leave the group and decide not to fight?"

"Yes."

She looked up sharply and her mouth formed a little 'o' of surprise. "What!?"

"Seriously, Mimi, it was."

"But I-"

"Look," Jyou interrupted. "This show has gone _out of its way_ to drill into us that the digidestined have to stick together in order to win. Basically, that means that we have to get back to our cheerleading duties as quickly as possible when Taichi and Yamato's digimon fight the Dark Masters. So everyone knows you're going to return anyway. All this little hissy fit is doing is delaying the part where we get to drool over Yamato being deliciously broody and sensitive in that dark cave."

_That was true_, Mimi thought. _It was a nice scene. But_... "I thought this was going to be an important point of character development for me," she whined.

Jyou snorted.

"Jyou!"

"The only thing this _tantrum_ is good for is providing the basis of Sora's stupid argument to try and get an equally mindless and fickle girl, Miyako, to fight later on."

Mimi had no idea who Miyako was.

"Plus, you're going to end up killing Leomon."

Mimi gasped in horror.

Jyou shrugged. "No-one really cares. You're really not that important. In fact, even I'm not going to stick around for long. I need to be off on a pointless unexplained quest of my own soon."

"You're leaving?"

"Right after you kill Leomon, yes."

"But we'll all be split up!"

"I'll meet up with Sora soon enough."

"Sora's coming back for us?"

"Well, Taichi actually only asked her to get Yamato, me and the others. When Yamato and I meet up with Sora and Takeru, we forget all about you and head back to the battle without a second thought."

"Oh." Mimi sniffled a little. "Crest of Honesty, eh?" she tried to joke through her tears.

"You should know better than to ask me questions that you don't want to hear the answers to, Mimi."

"Please don't leave me, Jyou."

"Didn't you hear a word I was saying? I have a mindless and forever unresolved journey of self discovery to go on! Plus, I have to ruin a potentially amazing Sorato moment."

"I'll keep following you around! I don't want to be left behind and forgotten. And I certainly don't want to kill Leomon!"

"Mimi, I hardly get any alone screen time. I need my pointless quest."

"I won't let you leave."

"Then I'll fucking sit here until you go!"

"Get up, Jyou! We have to go back to the others! I need to feel included!"

"No."

"Jyou!"

"No."

"JYOU!" she screamed as she pulled on his arm. "GET UP!"

"Leave me alone."

"WE NEED TO MOVE!"

"Seriously, Mimi. Go away."

"JYOU!"

He refused to budge.

"JYOU!"

Jyou gave her the finger.

Mimi was stunned for a few seconds. Then she burst into tears and ran off. Palman rushed after her, yelling her partner's name.

"That could have been handled better."

"I need to make my own path, Gomamon."

There was a weird glint in the human's eye that Gomamon had never seen before.

"What are you going to do?" the digimon asked fearfully.

"Well, I'm going to get rid of this for one!" Jyou stood up and removed his medical bag from around his shoulder.

"But, Jyou! What if you get a nose bleed? Or worse, a cut gets infected!"

"Well, I'll just suck it up!"

"But-"

"I'm tired of being a pansy!"

"Jyou, no!" Gomamon watched in horror as his partner went over to a conveniently located nearby cliff and held the bag high over his head.

"I WILL NO LONGER BE THE COMIC RELIEF OF THIS SHOW!" Jyou roared.

**Is Jyou Kido really going to throw his medical bag - the one with ****_all _****the medical supplies – into the river below and break out of his stereotypical pansy character? Or is he going to chicken out and accept his crappy role as always? Tune in next time to Digimon, Digital Monsters.**


	5. Episode 48 – My Sister's Keeper

**Episode 48 – My Sister's Keeper**

"Hikari! Hikari! HIKARI!"

"I'm tired, Taichi," Agumon complained as he caught up with his partner.

"Perhaps it would be prudent to take a short break," Koushiro added. The redhead could barely stand and ended up slumped against the wall.

"We can't stop now. We have to find her!"

"I need to tell you something," Koushiro said tiredly.

"What?"

"Hikari is just a plot device."

"What!"

"Don't you remember the weird glowly thing she does?"

"Err... yes."

"Seriously, what was that?"

"I don't know."

"And she was used by some higher power to communicate with us?"

"How is any of this relevant?"

"... and then there's this part where she becomes Queen Hikari to a bunch of Neumon," Koushiro went on. "I have no fucking clue why."

"A queen?"

"Oh, it hasn't happened yet. But when it does, it'll be beyond terrible."

"Koushiro-"

"She's kind of like the generator of plot holes."

"Hey!"

"Like how did she know about Koromon already while the rest of us didn't remember?"

"I don't know!" Taichi exhaled in annoyance. "But we have to find-"

"And have you noticed how distracted you've become since she's around?"

"She's my sister."

"Even so. You're hardly being a good leader."

"Yamato frets about Takeru all the time! No-one gives him any shit for it."

"Yes, but Yamato is kind of hot when he's all angsty."

"IS HE GOING TO BE FORGIVEN FOR EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS HE'S GOOD LOOKING?!"

"Probably."

Taichi huffed and started walking away from the redhead. "HIKARI!"

"Prodigious!"

Taichi jogged back immediately. "What? What!? Did you find them?"

"No, I just felt like saying that."

"Koushiro! Will you stop messing around!"

"Her only flaw is that she cares too damn much about people," Koushiro scoffed as he trailed after the leader. "I kind of hate her, y'know? She's mousy and sickly and has no personality."

"What the hell is wrong with you today?!"

"Takeru can do way way, waaay better. I kind of ship him with Miyako or Daisuke."

"Who the hell are Miyako and Daisuke?"

"Oh, that hasn't happened yet either."

"What are you even talking about?"

"Even Takeru and Sora might look good together in a few years..." Koushiro mused.

"That's sick. Takeru's a kid. And Sora... well, Sora's going to be mine."

Koushiro let out a bark of laughter.

"What now?!"

"Sora doesn't love you. Get the fuck over it."

Taichi sat down and curled himself into a ball.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Taichi."

Koushiro grabbed the brunet by the waistband and hoisted him over his shoulder. "Shut up for a second," he ordered when Taichi continued to whimper. He could hear footsteps in the distance.

After dumping the googlehead in the shadows, Koushiro took off his belt and swung it around like a mad man. "Don't come any closer!"

All Taichi could hear was some scuffling and then a high-pitched scream.

"Yamato?"

"Yes, it's me," Yamato hissed. "What the fuck are you doing, Koushiro?"

"I thought you were a digimon."

"Do I look like a digimon to you?!"

"Yamato!" Taichi cried as he stepped out of the shadows. "What are you doing here?"

Yamato hesitated for a moment. "Well... I went off for a bit to find myself or whatever. Then I had a catharsis about how I was just being overly jealous and emo. Then this tree tried to talk to me... Yeah, don't ask. That whole thing took like ten minutes. I didn't want to come back so soon in case my whole internal crisis wasn't taken seriously... so... well, I've been following you guys around ever since. I lost track of you all when you fell down into the sewers though."

"God." Taichi shook his head in disbelief. "Deep down inside you're just a loser like the rest of us, aren't you?"

"Shut up. Where's Takeru?"

"Our fall conveniently split us up into the two groups that would create the most amount of angst," Koushiro explained.

"What?! Takeru's not with you? But he's really little!"

"He'll be fine," Koushiro interrupted before things escalated into a fight. "Sora's with them."

"Everyone knows that Sora was only badass in the first part of the show!" Yamato cried in exasperation.

"Oh, for god's sake, Yamato. Stop acting like his Dad," Taichi snapped.

"From the way _you_ were wailing earlier, maybe you should stop acting like Hikari's mother."

"The last time I did something that almost killed her, I got slapped! And she _still _apologised for being bad at playing soccer."

Agumon, Tentomon and Gabumon all made sympathetic noises.

"Yeah, well. My parents are divorced!"

There was silence.

"And it's really painful for me still," Yamato went on.

The others continued to give him unsympathetic looks.

"I thought they didn't want me and now I can't cry in front of people!"

His audience remained unmoved.

"It's way more traumatic than Taichi's stupid soccer story!"

"Did you not hear the part where she _apologised for being bad at soccer afterwards_? That really crushed me, man."

The others nodded. "That is heart wrenching," Tentamon muttered understandingly.

"C'mon Yamato, sometimes you do whine too much," Gabumon added.

Yamato glared at his partner. "He didn't even remember he had a sister for half of the show!"

"I was thinking about her off screen!" Taichi argued.

"Actually, Taichi, that might not be entirely accurate. Hikari was probably written in after the rest of our characters and the majority of the plot was finalised. The season was intended to have much fewer episodes and she wouldn't have featured in it at all..." Koushiro explained. Then he scowled. "I honestly wish they hadn't added her."

"She's such a stupid plot device," Yamato remarked.

"That's what I said!"

"Like MaloMyotisomn could have captured and killed any one of us..."

"... but _noooo_. It _had_ to be Hikari..."

"... because she's so fucking special..."

"... and not one dimensional at all..."

"... and while we have character traits..."

"... she has this entire concept..."

"... because light is such an important quality to posses and adds so much to a person."

"And she's always getting this one's panties in a twist," Koushiro added, gesturing towards Taichi.

"Remember the lame ass prophecy that came out of nowhere?"

"Yeah. But that's not as stupid as the fact that..."

"She glows!" Yamato and Koushiro exclaimed simultaneously. Then they burst into laughter.

"Don't hold back or anything, guys," Taichi muttered.

**Are Taichi, Yamato and Koushiro finally going to locate Hikari? Or are they going to decide that she really isn't worth it? Tune in next time to Digimon, Digital Monsters.**


	6. Episode 20 – Earthquake of MetalGreymon

**Episode 20 – Earthquake of MetalGreymon**

Taichi pitched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "All you have to do is stand there and be helpless for a little while, before falling into the hole and letting me save you."

Sora put her hands on her hips. "Maybe I don't want to act like damsel in distress. Maybe I don't like the way this scene is progressing and how my character is being portrayed. Maybe I'm going to demand that the writers change this part of the script and do away with any rescue attempts altogether."

"How am I going to overcome my fear and have courage happen if you've already managed to save yourself?"

"Maybe I should save her and friendship can happen," Yamato interjected as he climbed through the gaping hole in the wall.

"Or I can save her and reliability can happen," Jyou added, stumbling in after him.

"Or," responded Sora, who was clearly annoyed by this point, "I can save myself and feminism can happen."

There was a momentary pause as the boys looked at one another. Someone let out a small giggle, another one of them snickered, and soon they had erupted into peals of laughter. Yamato clutched his stomach in agony. Taichi almost fell over. Jyou was howling in the corner. Even Koushiro shot her an amused glance over the top of his laptop.

Sora shot daggers at them through her eyes. She was duly ignored as the laughter continued.

"Good one, Sora," Yamato chuckled, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

"Wait, aren't you guys supposed to be creating a diversion?" Taichi asked after he had forced himself to calm down.

Jyou shrugged. "Not a lot happens off screen."

That seemed to satisfy Taichi for the moment. He took a couple of steps towards Sora and held one of her hands in both of his. "Look. I know that you want to seem brave and capable or whatever, but this is the most important Taiora moment of the entire season, Sor. You have to stop trying to destroy it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Yamato interrupted. "Hold on there, cowboy. There is no _Taiora _moment here."

"Uhh... Yamato, I'm rescuing her and she gives me courage and my crest is activated."

"That can happen for any number of reasons."

"Yeah, like the fact _I'm being brave for the sake of saving my girl_."

"_Your girl? _YOUR GIRL?" Sora was furious now. "Taichi Yagami, I have never in my entire life met anyone as-"

Yamato gave Sora a little shove and waved his hand dismissively. "I've got this." Then he turned to the brunet. "You're an asshole."

"Yeah, well fuck you, Yamato."

"Well, fuck you right back, Taichi."

"Fuck you more."

"Fuck you first."

"Fuck you times infinity."

"Guys, guys! This really isn't helping!" Jyou cried. "We need to end this scene so we can get on with the rest of the show."

"If someone would just _follow the freaking script_, we would have been done ages ago!" Taichi snapped.

"I'm not here to soothe your ego and add to your hero complex!"

"You tell him, girl," Yamato added for good measure.

Taichi let out a frustrated scream. "You guys are running this for me! You're ruining this for the fans! You're running it for the writers!"

"The Japanese writers didn't even believe in this love triangle crap," Yamato retorted.

"What the hell are you talking about?! The signs are all there! The subtle looks, the small gestures, the amazing back story! This whole thing has been set up perfectly!"

"Everyone knows that Sorato is canon in the end!"

"Shut up, Yamato! I'm not listening to you."

"Twenty-five years later, Sora and I have two children and are still happily married!"

"LALALALAA," Taichi sang with his fingers in his ears.

Sora huffed. "He can't just ignore the choice I'm going to make."

"THE WHOLE FREAKING FANDOM IS GOING TO IGNORE THE CHOICE YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE!" Taichi screamed. "THE ENTIRE ENGLISH–SPEAKING WORLD IS GOING TO IGNORE THE CHOICE YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE!"

"_Taichi,_" Yamato warned.

Taichi threw up his hands in exasperation. "Sorato is a big fuck you to the fans, it's a big fuck you to the people who followed the story from the beginning, and it's a huge fuck you to the twenty-somethings who haven't yet moved on with their lives and continue to live their adventures through me!"

"Maybe this whole incident will teach you that you can't always get what you want," Jyou added helpfully.

"Who is the main protagonist of this show, Jyou?" Taichi asked murderously.

"Well... we all have extremely important roles to-"

"I'm being serious."

Jyou deflated somewhat. "I suppose one could say that you-"

"Exactly. _Me_. And as the main character, all TV tropes point to the fact that I deserve the girl at the end."

"_Deserve_?!" Sora squeaked in indignation.

Koushiro decided to speak up. "There is actually an interesting theory going round which says that you don't end up with the leading girl precisely _because_ you're the main protagonist, Taichi. It's very admirable to be brave in the face of imminent danger and possible death, but a different sort of courage is required to deal with moving on and not always getting what you want in terms of your relationships."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Taichi declared.

"I quite like it. It delves on the themes of personal growth and maturity, and the importance of putting other people's happiness above your own," Yamato mused. "It's a good direction for the show to take."

"I'm sensing some vested interests here," Jyou commented quietly.

"I'm the main character! The girl is mine! And there is nothing that any of you can do about it!"

Without warning, Sora grabbed the the front of his shirt and pressed him up against the wall. "Taichi Yagami, I swear to God, I will rip off your balls if you so much as breathe another word," she snarled.

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter was so much fun to write! And I plan to lavish an equal amount of attention on each character and ship in the coming updates xD

As always, comments and reviews are welcome :)


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